Stories from the Frontline of Fatherhood: December 10, 2005
I help coach my son’s basketball team, and we recently had our first game of the season. As a supportive parent, I am constantly trying to gauge what is best for my kids. In organized sports, I see a lot of upside: camaraderie, discipline, confidence, and post game snacks. There is also some downside: weekend schedule conflicts, putting even more miles on the minivan, more laundry, and post game snacks. Oh, and another is, that if you are considered a supportive parent with some time on your hands, you just got a coaching hat to put on for the season if you forgot to say ‘no’ at a critical point in the conversation with the athletic director. Well, now enlisted, I am helping coach a small band of young boys, who have an incredible amount of interest in having fun, which occasionally involves playing basketball. Recently, we played a large, professionally organized team of boys, who had an incredible amount of interest in playing basketball, which occasionally involved having fun. Our team was blown away by the competition.
For some reason, I wish I could say that I sat quietly on the bench deferring to our team’s head coach to be the animated, vocal one. But, I can’t. It is a game, which I understand. They are very young kids, which I understand. Winning isn’t everything, which I understand. The trouble is, if it is a trouble, that once the game begins, the excitement of the game overwhelms all of the understanding. My voice booms supportive instruction to our team as I pace the sidelines. Observing parents wonder when I am going to suit up and start playing ball right alongside the kids. As much as I wish I could hold on to my sense of proportion, I want our team to win for the sake of the kids who I know can get it together and cinch the game.
Deciding that the neighborhood game isn’t enough or perhaps there isn’t one in the neighborhood, parents enroll their kids in organized leagues where they encounter the drama of winning and losing in a more formal setting. Perhaps they aren’t ready for it. Perhaps, this parent isn’t either. However, the playing field is full of victories that aren’t represented in the snapshot of the final score. The young boys on our team kept their hearts and minds in the game in spite of a tremendous gap in score: that, in itself, is a victory along the path to adulthood for everyone. And if that doesn’t satisfy that empty feeling in their stomach, there are always post game snacks.
